The
Internet has become the hot new place for smart, eligible people
to find romance, and those looking for love are swarming into
cyberspace. As a result, many individuals have begun relationships
online with people they have not met and know little about.
With
so many people communicating via the Net and deciding to date
virtual strangers, it is important to be safe and be smart. Common
sense can go a long way to keep you safe. Here are some guidelines
for playing it safe:
Watch
out for someone who seems too good to be true.
Begin
by first communicating solely by email or online
chat. Be vigilant in noticing odd behavior or inconsistencies.
If someone is evasive, this is a red flag. "Listen"
to your correspondent's words. The person at the other end may
not be who or what he/she says. Trust your instincts. If anything
makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and protection.
Find
out as much information as you can.
Learn
to ask many questions. Find out where he grew up, where she works,
and how he is connected to his community. These are clues to finding
out who this person really is. Be suspicious, if someone is unwilling
to reveal any personal identifying information. Probe any discrepancies
in their stories. If your correspondent is unwilling to answer
your questions, this is another red flag. Continue with a great
deal of caution.
Honesty
is the key to success.
Represent
yourself accurately. Exaggerating or deceiving is easy online.
Areas to be particularly cautious about are marital status and
physical appearance. Begin with a request for a picture and send
them a recent one of you. If someone is unwilling to send a recent
photo, this is warning sign. If he or she continuously comes up
with an excuse, it is because that person has something to hide.
Having a scanned photo is available at Kinko's for less than ten
dollars, so there is no valid excuse for not doing it. After you
have exchanged photos, continue to fill in the gaps, so that the
other person does not create you in their image. Keep it honest.
Talk
on the telephone and continue to learn more about your correspondent.
A phone
call can reveal a lot about a person's communication and social
skills. It is worth the cost of the call to protect your security.
But do not give out your phone number to a stranger. Trust takes
time to develop. Only when you feel completely comfortable should
you furnish your phone number.
Don't
rush into anything.
Meeting
someone online and then arranging a date in a relatively short
time can be dangerous. Take time to find out who this person really
is. If someone is pressuring you to get together before you are
ready, this is another warning sign. If anything feels strange
as you get to know this person, then it is time to back away and
look for another match.
If
you decide to meet for a date, proceed with caution. Arrange the
meeting on your terms. The following is a guide to ensure that
you have a safe encounter:
Before
You Meet
Before
you go out with someone new, it is important to get as much information
as you can about the person you will meet.
1.
Always ask for a full name, address, and telephone number before
agreeing to go out with someone you have never met.
2.
Never go out with someone who will only give you a pager or work
phone number. (There is a very good chance of a spouse in the
house.)
3.
When someone gives his or her phone number, find a reason to call
unexpectedly. This may help you to find out if she is married
or he is living with someone.
4.
Find out where the person works and if you can call him or her
at work
First
Date Know-How
Be
careful when agreeing to meet anyone in person.
Set
the conditions for your date and do not let the other person change
them. Remember, you really do not know someone until you spend
time with them in person.
1.
Always tell someone where you are going with your date and when
you will return. Leave your date's full name and telephone numbers
with that person and write it down. If your date wants you to
keep it secret, this is a very big red flag. Protect yourself.
2.
Always meet in a public place that you are familiar with on your
first date. Stay near other people in a lighted area. Getting
together for coffee is a pleasant, casual way to get to know someone.
3.
Never allow yourself to be picked up from your house. Giving your
address out to a stranger is not safe. Arrange your own transportation
so that you can leave if there is any sign of trouble.
4.
Pay attention to everything that this person has told you about
him or herself. If you find out that your date has lied about
anything, this is another red flag.
5.
Do not bring your date back to your house after the first meeting.
You do not know this person. Use the same kind of common sense
and rules that you would use in any type of dating relationship.
Be
smart and be safe. Take control of your future. Know what you
are getting into before you invest your heart, money, or your
life. Information is the key.
Now
that you've got some safety tips, be bold. Check out The
Chat Rooms and meet that someone special!
by
Linda Alexander, Esq.
